Vacation From Toys

Health Holiday Parenting Unschooling

Of course, we started out with the plan of having very few toys- just a select, manageable number of well-chosen, handmade toys, preferably from natural materials. That plan started to fall apart before our first baby was even born, when from all directions came the well-intentioned gifts.

Ah, presents. We try to encourage experience gifts, but rarely does anyone take us up on that ;)

Babies don't need a lot of stuff, but in our culture, having a baby is a massive consumer event. It doesn't stop as they grow, either. Kids are fun to buy presents for, and giving gifts is a nice way to connect with family & friends. Plus, kids like to collect stuff. My youngest has had collections ranging from broken bits of safety glass, to hazelnuts found under his grandma's tree, to brightly colored plastic pellets collected in just about every park we've ever been to. He is unstoppable. He loves anything small and shiny.

Odin finds all the tiny, beautiful things wherever we go.

Wherever it all comes from, however it's collected or amassed, it's good to get away from it. Here is where vacations come in. On trips, no matter how long, we never pack a single toy. From short trips like an overnight visit to their great grandparents' house, to several days at the ocean, we only bring the essentials to keep ourselves comfortable, plus a camera for capturing memories. Bringing our own entertainment would seem redundant.

Playing dominoes with grandma: This is how Loki wants to spend every vacation. It's really about connecting with each other.

The point, when traveling, is to experience a new place, and connect with people. Toys are a distraction and get in the way, but more specifically, they make it feel like you haven't gone anywhere. It would be like Nik & me bringing our computer. We can waste our time on it at home; vacations are sacred. It's good to get away from all our toys, and really experience our surroundings.

The boys help chop up invasive scotch broom to burn. Without things like electronic handheld distractions, kids can be useful! Plus, they really experience their surroundings.

For the actual travel time, we don't need a portable dvd player. We have a car radio for a change of mood or lulls in the conversation. We have several sheets of song lyrics printed out, so Nik & I can annoy our kids with our favorite songs. We have all kinds of family car games in our arsenal, and we often make up new ones on the spot. 

Some car games involve looking for letters of the alphabet on signs and license plates. We go through in alphabetical or reverse alphabetical order, finding every letter. A lot of miles pass before we get through every letter in order! On our last trip we made a game of finding all the colors of the rainbow in the scenery, adding several more that we thought should be included in our search, like metallics, and brown. My seven year old loves answering math questions, so we've spent a lot of car time coming up with different math problems for him. We also play a lot of "20 questions", though we never actually keep track of how many questions get asked. My kids love counting how many taxis of each color we see on every car ride- I can never believe how excited they are to see yet another taxi ;)

Yes, it's a long drive, but we can make it! Look out the window, talk, sing, fall asleep...

The car is a great time to just talk. The kids have each other to chat with. We talk about memories and things we are excited about, and Nik & I answer their questions about anything and everything. 

Now, every family probably does these things sometimes, but I know a lot of kids come to expect a dvd every time they get in the car, and don't know how to handle a car trip without some Disney movie to watch. What starts out as a luxury soon becomes a need. I see car rides together as valuable time to connect with the kids, and it's so often squandered. Some important conversations happen in the car, and they will never have a chance if everyone is absorbed in a movie. 

Also, don't undervalue the joy of simply staring out at the surroundings. A view of an old farm, an open landscape, a forested road, or watching a mountain getting closer: these help to build excitement about the trip, appreciation for nature, and geographical knowledge as well.

Finding shapes in the clouds.

Once at our destination, more often than not, there are things for kids to play with. Most likely any toys there are different than what we have at home, which in itself makes them interesting to my kids. If there are no toys, even better. As ubiquitous as toys are in our culture today, I often think of how kids played in past generations, where they might have only one doll during their entire childhood, or in other cultures even today, where the idea of marketing to children would be absurd because of extreme poverty.

These kids still play. They might play with songs or stories, or they might wrestle or play hopscotch, or they might make use of other materials around the house or village, such as fabric or rocks or leaves. In fact, it has been argued that supplying our kids with tons of toys reduces their own power of imagination. They let the toys direct their play, rather than utilizing their own creativity.

Odin learns to use a knife while camping.

On camping trips, the boys spend a lot of time whittling sticks or throwing rocks into rivers. It may sound dull, but it's amazing how many ways you can challenge yourself at rock throwing. There is the classic skipping stones, a pastime you could spend many hours at, finding the perfect stones and perfecting your throw. Also, a new game of ours is to send a leaf floating down the current, and then try to sink it with a well-aimed rock. It's challenging, and fun!

Exploring what lives under the rocks at low tide.

We do bring a kite with us to the ocean. It's one of the few times we use it and unlike a lot of toys, a kite requires being out in the world and experiencing the weather and surroundings. We'd bring kayaks too if we had them! I do question whether the kite is even necessary though, since we can happily spend hours combing the beach, examining critters, shaping the sand, and following bird footprints in wild pointless loops. 

What if the weather's bad, or you're stuck for some other reason inside a motel room? I always bring a book for myself to read when I need some downtime, as well as a notebook to write in. For the kids, it's easy to bring a small stack of books, either favorites or ones they haven't read for a while, or a mix of both. Beyond books, we always find something to do, and it does not involve turning on the tv.

Loki came up with this solo game of word making with a bag of letter tiles he found during some downtime at the cabin.

I think often when people pack for trips they worry too much about preventing boredom, so they pack so many things into their bags and into their itinerary, that there is barely room for the real adventure of experiencing the trip, being flexible, and taking things as they come. A fully planned out itinerary may be fun to create, but when it comes down to it I think all that running around leaves people feeling more drained than before their vacation.

Relax.

I did a lot of backpacking when I was younger, and one of my favorite things about it was how exhilarating it felt to be able to carry everything I needed on my back. Perhaps the mark of a minimalist, it was liberating to discover I didn't need all that stuff back home. I loved that feeling and wanted to travel all the time.

I think there is a little minimalist in all of us, discontent with consumerism and our culture of too-much. When we vacation with less, we give our kids the space they need to become a little less attached to those things that normally fill their days, and realize life is still full. Maybe they can experience it a little more when they're not surrounded by stuff.

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Vacation From Toys

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Oleh Mellow

Mellow October 10, 2012 29 Comment